The Post About 10 Items I Would Like To Buy With FSA Money

Do you have an FSA account? If not, let's have Wikipedia recap for us.

A flexible spending account (FSA) is one of a number of tax-advantaged financial accounts that can be set up through a cafeteria plan of an employer in the United States. An FSA allows an employee to set aside a portion of earnings to pay for qualified expenses as established in the cafeteria plan, most commonly for medical expenses but often for dependent care or other expenses. Money deducted from an employee's pay into an FSA is not subject to payroll taxes, resulting in substantial payroll tax savings. One significant disadvantage to using an FSA is that funds not used by the end of the plan year are lost to the employee.

Did you read that last sentence?

Today I find myself with $200 in "funds not used" and I have 3 days to spend it.

The above picture is my current shopping list. It rivals the most senior of adults. Its absurdity extends to the fact I have normal blood pressure, don't need reading glasses and have no idea why one uses orthopedic inserts. Yet these are the items deemed "eligible" and seem most reasonable to purchase.

Here are 10 eligible items I thankfully don't need, but I'd like to purchase anyway.

1. Ambulance Ride. I bet there's no line and no waiting if you pull up in this at the bank.

2. Body Scan. It would be my new profile picture on all social media outlets. Because I'm confident I look hot on the inside.

3. Carpal Tunnel Wrist Supports. Like the ones Wonder Woman wore.

4. Lice Shampoo. Bottom line: Does it add volume? Can I get it in a color glaze?

5. Ovulation Predictor Test. This would aid in knowing when it may be best for me to work from home.

6. Lodging at a Hospital. Who cares that New Orleans is booked solid for January 9? I hear Tulane Medical Center has lovely amenities.

7. Guide Animal. EVERYONE WOULD LOVE MY MINIATURE HORSE.

8. Hearing Aid. Sometimes I like to pretend I can't hear. This would assist with that objective.

9. Meals at a Hospital. Lunch is on me.

10. Oxygen. Occasionally I take the stairs at work.

{image: Jamie}

The Post About Wishing You a Merry Christmas. I KNOW It's Over.

I took a break.

Did you notice?

Hopefully not.

Hopefully you and I could swap stories about living life in 4-D and stepping back from the Internet.

Although, most of my stories can actually be found on Instagram or Twitter or FourSquare. You don't even need me to wax nostalgically here to figure out what I'm doing most days.

Nonetheless.

Merry Belated Christmas.

I'm wishing you lots of this:

And its partners in crime:

Rabbit chasing commences tomorrow.

{images: Jamie}

The Post About Random Rabbits

Another post of the randomness deemed unworthy of a dedicated post.

1. Two hobbies: baking and photography. I'm mediocre at both so I'd like to focus and possibly turn one into something of substance. Unfortunately, my ADD has thrown out its "Mom Arm" and I'm not able to move forward in only one direction. 

So until I can get my diagnosis beaten down, I'll continue to dabble in both.

'Tis the season for cake pops.

And there are senior portraits. With a brother thrown in for Christmas card measure.

I took Maranda's photos in a swanky park in a swanky part of town across the street from a swanky house. Then I forced her to complete her outfit change in the backseat of a car.

Because I'm classy like that.

I was encouraged that she wasn't a complete professional at that task. 

TRUE LOVE WAITS MARANDA.

2. Christmas Shopping. I shared my parents' wish lists with you. 

Rabbit Sidebar: If you go back and read that post, you'll discover my mother's rebuttal in the comments which includes her REAL wish list. Southern mamas and their drama.

I struggle with shopping for Christmas gifts because I'm a descendant of Adam and Eve. Therefore, I tend to buy myself nice things that are on sale and make my nieces coasters out of felt.

This necklace is Exhibit A. I went shopping at a local market for jewelry for my sister-in-law and I found this vintage book necklace from Lil' Seeds. 

It can now be found around my neck.

3. S-M-R-T. Remember how I told you once about how I scored a 34 on my ACT?

Last week, I left my car running in my office's parking garage. FOR SIX HOURS.

4. Guest Post: Today I'm guest posting at Gray Hair and Acne with a post titled Cheez-its, Robert Pattinson, and Fighting Aging. I provide 5 solid tips for kicking Father Time in the shins.  

Thank you to Andi Cumbo for being such a lovely hostess. If you're a reader or a writer or somewhere in-between, then follow her on Twitter. You'll have no regrets.  

5. Winner.  

The lucky winner of the $50 Options Gift Card Giveaway is commenter #268 - Amanda Cook. She won for following AdoptUSKids on Facebook, but her response to the question about favorite family member is this:

One of my favorite family members is our cat, Fuzzy, because the kids love him SO much. And he lets them love on him, too. He is very patient with them, but he does keep them in line. He is the perfect cat for training them to love animals well.  

Furry people need love too. 

Congrats Amanda! Email me at jamiesrabbits@gmail.com to collect your bounty!

Now, Rabbit Reader, you say something. Random or otherwise.

{images: Jamie}

The Post About The Rabbit Recommends v.105

Each week or so I post a readable or watchable and/or a listenable of which I'm fond. You can choose what happens after my recommendation. Ignore, embrace, debate. 

Earlier volumes of The Rabbit Recommends can be found here. 

Read

Amazon and I have quite the toxic relationship. I buy books. It recommends more books. I buy them too. And all in "one-click." My apologies to my future children who will have to help mommy pay off her debt from that obsolete thing called a "Kindle." One recent rec was The Misanthrope's Guide to Life (Go Away!) by Meghan Rowland and Chris Turner-Neal. A "misanthrope" is defined for English-learners as "one who does not like people." Sadly, this sometimes applies to me, depending on how many items are in your buggy or how slow you're driving in the left lane. Meghan and Chris advise on how to manage all people interactions - parenting, work, holidays, romance, and of course, funerals. This guide is my favorite kind: sarcasm with page numbers. 

P.S. This book is a Kindle loaner so if you'd like to borrow it from yours truly for free, then email me at jamiesrabbits@gmail.com.

UPDATE: This delightful book is currently free on Kindle!

Watch

When it comes to TV comedy, it's hard to compete for my affection for shows like Community, 30 Rock, and Parks & Rec. However, New Girl has won me over. The above clip is really what tugs at my heart each week: Schmidt. He is the most lovable "douche canoe" ever. Trust me, they can be lovable - I've dated a few. You can watch the last five episodes of New Girl on Hulu for free. 

Listen

When I find myself in the midst of a busy season with tasks and obligations and hairs out of place, I need the occasional 3-minute mental health break. And mental health breaks should always be "dance breaks." Here's my 4 current go-to songs from the psych professional - David Guetta:


David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj - Turn Me On


David Guetta ft. Timbaland and Pitbull - Pass At Me


David Guetta ft. Usher - Without You

David Guetta ft. Jennifer Hudson - Night of Your Life

Recommending Disclaimer: I don't suggest anything because I get it free or because I have some sort of illicit relationship with Jeff Bezos or Rupert Murdoch. I save all of those questionable dealings for Cheez-it truck drivers.

The Post About 10 More Things You Should Know How To Do

Last month I shared 10 things from the book The Experts' Guide to 100 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do that I don't actually know how to do.

There are approximately 57 more. Let's review another 10.

1. Send a thoughtful thank-you note. I'm facing some obstacles. First, I've not owned a stamp in 2 years. Second, I had my Dad replace my mailbox with one twice its size so I'd only have to go to it once a week. Mail is not my forte. But I send STUPENDOUS text messages. Leave your cell # in the comments and let me wow you.
2. Make a bed. Apparently you're supposed to have things like a mattress pad, blanket, and flat sheet. If that's true, then why did God make duvets?
3. Ace a job interview. If an interview could take 4-6 months, then I could do this. I'm really more of an acquired taste.
4. Whip up a great dinner with five items in your fridge. Honestly, I just checked my fridge and the contents are as follows: condiments, unsalted butter, hummus, 5 types of cheese and 7 types of drinks. Discuss.
5. Create a budget. The creating is easy peasy. It's the not moving money from the fuel or utilities or mortgage envelope to the music or coffee or chewy sweet-tart envelope.
6. Handle the police. I assume the police are right and can destroy me. So if I ever meet a dirty cop who's short, mustachioed, and beaten down by the system, then I'm still going to say "I'm sorry sir. Of course I will steal lunch money sir from school children sir and give it to you. Sir."
7. Speak at least 2 common languages. I'd like to think "Southern" is a language. I can translate phrases like "Shoot, I reckon" and "Going 'round your elbow to get to your thumb." I also understand the complex nuances of "Bless her heart." 
8. End a date politely without making promises. I always make promises and struggle to really end it. I'm fairly certain I'm still in a relationship with my senior prom date. Hi Brian.
9. Dress for your body type. I prefer pretending I have a small chest, long legs and a neck.
10. Understand Your Pet. What I understand is that a cat will steal your breath while you're sleeping and that a bird is plotting how to peck your eyes out while your ironing clothes.

Your turn. Do you excel where I do not? Or are we kindred spirits in our deficiencies? 

{image: Jamie}

The Post About Mom & Dad's Christmas Wish Lists

For many years, my family faced a common holiday problem.

Receiving gifts we didn't want.

You see, we're not really the type of mothers or fathers or brothers or sisters who make "mental" notes in June when you randomly mention a razor you think scientists created just for you so that we can later place it in your stocking with care.

No.

We're the type of mothers or fathers or brothers or sisters who squeal with delight when we realize Walgreen's is still open on Christmas Eve at 7:39pm and has one of those hot chocolate gift sets with mugs shaped like reindeer heads.

Score.

A few years ago, we decided to have a family intervention and confront this weakness. 

And that Virginia, is how Christmas wish lists were born in a manger.

Jan, otherwise known as my mother, has an interesting list.

#3: Phone Card. I lovingly refer to her cell phone as a "drug dealer go phone." She should really be demanding a new phone, but those visits to the Wal-Mart kiosk may be more comforting than I realize.

#4: Shake Weight. Umm... Consider it Santa's priority that my mother receive a Shake Weight and that I film her using it.

#6: Organizer for Ms. Dixie. My mother's SUV is called Ms. Dixie. She is not racist. See #7.

#7: Darius Rucker CD.

Note: When discussing this list with my father, he tried to delete 3 of the items because he believed she didn't really want them. This is why she owns mug sets shaped like snowmen heads.

Speaking of Chuck.

#1: Lowe's Gift Cards. This is what he wants. When I gifted him with one last month for his birthday, he pulled out his wallet and added it to 4 existing cards. I furrowed my brow to which he responded "One more and I can get the chainsaw."

#2: Pair of Loppers. What are loppers? Please define in the comments.

#3, 4, 5, 6: Various. I'm not going to buy the prepackaged gift sets. I'm simply going to get a shoe box and throw in shaving cream, razors, Jimmy Dean sausage, Kraft singles, and a handful of Chick-Fil-A mints. 

Note: When discussing this list with my father, he tried to delete all of the items but #1. This is why he has a wallet full of Lowe's gift cards.

How do you handle buying gifts? Are you thoughtful and listen? Do you give cash? Do you buy whatever is left on the way to the exchange?

{images: Jamie}